Tombstone

Do you have the kind of friends who would face the Clantons with you?

Recently, I was watching the Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer movie “Tombstone” for about the 800th time, and looking forward to all the great lines from the movie, like when Curly Bill sees the Earps’ leaving and delivers his farewell in just two words, but the way he delivers the line says so much more: “Well … bye!” Then there is the scene at the train station when Wyatt yells, “You called down the thunder. Well, now you got it!” which is followed by the classic “Tell ‘em I’m coming – and hell’s coming with me!”

There is another scene where Doc Holliday is joining in with Wyatt and the others to go to war with the Clantons, Turkey Creek Jack Johnson says to Doc, whose health has visibly gotten worse, “What the hell you doin’ this for anyway?”

Doc says, “Wyatt Earp is my friend.”

Johnson responds, “Hell, I got lots of friends.”

And Doc says, “Well, I don’t.”

That got me thinking about friendships. Not social media friends, “friends” whose request I have accepted on Facebook but who I’m not sure I actually know. Some I know for certain I’ve never met. I fear we’ve cheapened the definition of “friends” that way.

Most guys have some really close friendships when we were younger – in school, or on the playground or ballfield. I know I had fraternity brothers that I’d do stupid things with without even thinking (and ultimately paid the price for that!).

As I got out on my own, working, most of my friendships were people I worked with or around – other sportswriters, or coaches or athletes, those kinds of people. Some became, for a time, really good friends beyond just the profession.

When I got married, my number of really good friendships dropped even further. Life became all about my wife, my job, then my kids, and taking care of things. I didn’t really have time – or at least didn’t feel like I had the time – to cultivate really strong friendships.

Ultimately, I think of the movie “Tombstone” as being about friendship. I don’t think Wyatt Earp ever had to ask Doc Holliday for help. In fact, he probably would never dream of doing that. Doc had just made up his mind he’d be there for Wyatt no matter what.

It is important who our friends are. I think the Biblical concept of not being “unequally yoked” applies to friends as well. We need friends who believe as we do, who share the same Biblical values, who encourage us in our walk to be the person God wants us to be.

That’s not to say we don’t have non-Christian friends. We should. But remember what Paul wrote in I Corinthains (15:33): “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” I have had friends that I thought I could influence to be better but sometimes found out I was becoming more like them than the other way around. My language, my humor, my view of the world slowly became more like theirs than their views became like mine.

You see some examples of close friendships in the Bible. One story that really stands out to me is from Mark 2, where a paralyzed man can’t get into the room to see Jesus because it’s so crowded, and four of his friends take him to the roof, tear a whole in the ceiling, and lower their friend down so he can see Jesus. That’s really a remarkable act of friendship.

In the last chapter of Romans, Paul lists out a number of people who appear to have been far more than just friends, a real support system; people that were there for him through anything.

And of course there are Job’s three friends, who apparently hear about the catastrophe that has befallen him and drop everything, travelling a great distance just to sit beside Job for a full week without saying a word; just letting him know they are there for him.

However, even Job’s friends, after a week of silence, turn on him with all sorts of accusations. They no doubt think they are providing wise counsel, but we – the reader – know they are wrong (God even says so at the end of the book). And Paul, even with that long list of friends at the end of Romans, writes about being abandoned and betrayed (2 Timothy).

We like friends who always support us, unconditionally. But that makes me think of Peter, one of Jesus’ closest friends, who upon being told that Jesus was going to die said, “Far be it from you, Lord! This won’t ever happen to you!” Peter thought he was being loyal and didn’t realize his statement was going against God’s will. Jesus had to say to his friend Peter, “Get behind me Satan! You are a hindrance to me!” What Peter thought was loyalty, Jesus saw as Satanic.

That demonstrates a vital component of true friendship. We’d think we’d rather have friends who always tell us what we want to hear, who show us grace in excusing our shortcomings. But we can’t really afford to have those kinds of truly “close” friends.

A really smart older guy who has become a good friend in recent years told me, “The friendships you have in life really can define you. You know the saying about ‘iron sharpening iron?’ You can be sharpening in a negative way, too. The influences you have around you, the perspective that people have that are outside what might be the value system you grew up with or you want to have – those people can have an influence in shaping your thinking if you allow yourself to be unduly influenced by other people’s opinions.”

We need friends who pray bigger things for us than we pray for ourselves; who believe in us when our faith is struggling; who make space for us when life seems like it is about to fall apart. We need friends who rejoice when things go well. And – most importantly – they remind us in every aspect of our lives what is really important, what our focus should be on.

Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

That took me back to Tombstone, and Wyatt Earp having to face the Clantons at the OK Corral. Earp knows it is probably not going to end well, that it will be dangerous. In the scene before the OK Corral battle, Wyatt tries to talk Doc out of going with him because Doc is so sick., Doc is truly offended, saying to Wyatt: “That’s a hell of a thing to say to me.”

It made me wonder, if I had to go face the mythical Clantons in my life, do I have friends who would go with me?

I was thinking about this out loud with one of my truly good friends, and before I could even get the question framed, he looked at me and said, “I’d go.”

I knew he would, and said, “I’d go for you, too.”

To which he replied, “You already have.”

That’s the essence of friendship.

I hope none of us ever have to see who is willing to go with us to face the Clantons that may pop up in our lives. But even more, I hope that if we ever do have to make that walk to the OK Corral and see the townspeople scattering to get behind the safety of closed doors, we look to our left and right and see we have a few friends walking down that dusty main street with us.